I am not going to go into Mike's full story on this particular post because it is very long. I do promise that it is coming soon. The actually reason for this post is that my beautiful friend Ann, mentioned above, sent out a prayer request for my little "McFamily" on our favorite blog of all time, Kelly's Korner. Today Kelly posted this prayer request (and a couple of others) and she included a link to this blog. I have to say, I have become a little addicted to the new "ticker" that I added to the bottom of my blog a few weeks back. It tells me exactly how many times my blog has been viewed in the past 30 days. I was absolutely amazed when it passed 10,000 and immediately posted about it here. I was out and about all day today running errands and when I got home and checked my "ticker" I almost fell out of my chair when it said that over 25,000 people had viewed my blog over the past 30 days! As I type this, the number is now approaching 40,000. Kelly, thank you so much for including me in your prayers and sending the story of my family into the prayers of 30,000 of your readers. I am completely "chawed" (definition here), grateful and overwhelmed with emotion at the response that I have received from your readers!
If you are one of Kelly's readers, I thought I would make it a little easier for you to follow my husband's
Heavy Hearts, Audrey Comes to the Hospital for a Visit!, "Don't Gay It Up!", Take It Back! Old School . . ., Easter & Hospitalization Round 3 - warning, long post!, Bittersweet Birthday, Honesty is the best policy., Happy Mother's Day!, Intermediate ICU, ICU - For real this time . . ., The Suffering Is Over., Memorial, Thank You!!! and last but not least . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUDREY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew, if you read all of those you are a champ :-) Now that you are a little bit more familiar with my family and what we have been through I just wanted to share something with you. I received a comment from one of Kelly's readers this afternoon that made me realize it was time to do something. Here is the comment:
"Hi Julie,
I am a reader of Kelly's Korner, and found your blog on her prayer request post. I just wanted to drop you a note to say hello, and let you know I admire your courage, strength and positive attitude during this time in your life. At first, I thought maybe you had not posted about your husband's death because I saw the past 5 or 6 posts and they just seemed so uplifting, and the pictures of your sweet angel brought a smile to my face. When I realized this was all after the passing of Mike, it brought me to tears. You are an inspiration to me, and I will be praying for you and your daughter. I have an 8 month old daughter, and what a miracle and blessing it is. God bless you Julie :)
Kendall--Pearls to Pampers"
Kendall,
You are absolutely right about one thing, the last five or six posts have been very light-hearted and mainly about my sweet baby since her Grandparents start getting rashes if they don't see pictures at least every other day :-) I haven't mentioned my husband Mike, because every time I sit down to write a post, no words come. You see, I can't describe how much I miss him. There are no words. What I can do is make a choice each morning, to be the kind of mother to our daughter that Mike would have been proud of. I have wrapped myself up in her unwavering love and jumped head-first into making sure that she takes priority. I find that I ask myself about 100 times a day, "What would Mike do?" or "What would Mike want?" and I do my best to live each day how I know he would want me to live it. What breaks my heart the most, is not how much I miss him, or even how much I know his daughter will miss him in the future, even though she will never remember him. What breaks my heart is thinking about how much he wanted to LIVE and to enjoy the child that he always wanted. He talked about being a Daddy from the first day that I met him. He did everything right in life so that when the time came he would be able to give our baby the life that she deserved. He did everything right and when he achieved all his goals, career, marriage, house and baby, cancer only let him enjoy it for a few short months. Thank you for admiring my courage, strength and positive attitude, they are gifts from heaven that I will treasure forever.
-- Julie
Also coming from Kelly's Korner, and so pleased to meet you. I will be holding you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteCxx
I have been an avid reader of Kelly's blog since she had little Harper. What a surprise when I noticed her prayer request post and was linked to your blog. I looked at your pictures and kept thinking I know this girl. I could not figure out how I knew you and then all of a sudden it hit me. We went to North Meck together and were both in marching band (Jennifer Greene-colorguard).
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that your daughter is beautiful. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through but I will definitely include your family in my prayers.
God bless you both.
ReplyDeleteJulie,
ReplyDeleteI also came over from Kelly's Corner. Keeping you and Sweet Audrey in my prayers. So sorry for the loss of your husband.
Hi Julie!
ReplyDeleteI also found you through Kelly's Corner. While I was at work yesterday, I did read your past posts about your husband's ambush. Let me tell you; I sat in my office crying for you and your family. I lifted up prayers as best I could through spreadsheets and sobs and I couldn't stop thinking about you. My husband and I are also dealing with some health issues right now. He had an MRI Thursday on his brain and it takes all of my strength to keep from thinking about the "what if's". I can only hope that I can be as brave for my boys as you have been for your precious Audrey.
Praying for you from Memphis!
Liz
Julie, I have walked where you are walking for the last fourteen months. My husband passed last March after being ambushed by kidney cancer. We had only been married 28 months. I just gave birth to our only child three weeks ago. She's a miracle baby conceived via IVF six months after his passing.
ReplyDeleteI have learned a lot about myself and about grief in the year or so. I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need to talk. My email is linked through my blog. I have lots of wonderful resources I can share with you, and I do understand what you are going through.
I'm praying for you and your baby girl.
Awwww hun :'-(. Everytime I open your blog (pretty much daily, I've become quite the stalker) I read your posts - good or bad - and feel like grabbing my keys and driving down to give you and Audrey a long, hard hug. You're strength IS amazing, but I know how much you must be hurting underneath it all. So many people read and appreciate your posts and at the same time question how you're able to do it and put on such a brave face, but I really see them as a catharsis for you. I think you express what you're going through in such a way that it really makes people relate to you and Mike. Spouses can imagine losing their partner, children can imagine losing a parent. Most heartbreaking of all parents can imagine having to lose their children, for in my opinion Mike lost Audrey (and you), not the other way around. My heart aches for that loss more than any other because I know the last thing he would have ever wanted to do was leave you and his precious baby girl. I remember he bugged you for a couple years to have a kid and he wanted to be a daddy so much. I remember how proud he was to show Audrey off the first time we met her and he would always brag about the cool things she was doing as you watched her grow. His whole face just lit up and she is just SO loved and SO wanted. He's the proudest, most loving papa in heaven. Cancer may have ambushed him but he had the heart of a tiger and he didn't go without fighting tooth and nail. I bet somebody up there got a real ear full when he got there. And he's with you Julie - he'll always be with you.
ReplyDeletep.s. that picture of you giving Audrey a smooch is the cutest thing ever!
ReplyDeleteLindsey
Yes, hopped on over from Kelly's :) I haven't been able to close your blog! I've read it front to back :( I am so sorry! We lost our almost 7year old to cancer 30 months ago. I hate cancer!!! I just wanted to say hello and let you know we are praying for your family. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI too found this post from Kelly. In a strange twist of events, my husband and our story was also featured on Kelly's blog and we received so much love and support through the readers. He was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2009 and he was at peace a year later, on May 16th 2010. My prayers are for you to find peace and comfort. I was in your shoes (not completely of course b/c every situation and everyone's grief is different) a year ago as I faced what this life was going to look like without him When I read the date of your husbands passing, my heart sank. That date, May 16, is one I will never forget. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteFound my way here from Kelly's. Keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI too found your blog through Kelly's. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I lost my husband to cancer six days after diagnosis. I'll be praying for you and little Audrey. She is so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteJulie, I heard about mike from a friend Derek, I didn't know your husband well only a few months when I was stationed with him at New River, but I remeber a generous friend, easy smile, and a great Marine. You have my family's heartfelt sympathy for your loss. I know this will probably not help but I wanted to say something. Mike Minot
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